Therapy
by nike75
Summary: Jasmin's friends know that she lied about the online sex tape and turned their back on her. Kurt is gone and Dominik saved her when she was assaulted by two men. The story starts around one week after the assault and unlike in the show it doesn't get ignored. Because attempted rape is NEVER a lesson to be learned! Pairing: Anni/Jasmin Translation by Lillian - thank you SO much!
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

The staircase was wrapped in semi-darkness. Jasmin stood outside the apartment's door for a moment. She knew there was a wall of silence expecting her inside. She lowered the hand holding the key. Maybe she'd better stay at the townhouse guestroom, as she had the night all her friends had learned about her lies. But Jo had invited his golf partners for dinner that night and Jasmin didn't want to disturb them. She'd just go stir-crazy there anyway. At least she wasn't alone here at the apartment, even if her roommates punished her with disregard. Quietly she turned the key and opened the door. Nele and Anni were standing at the stove cooking, their backs turned at the door. They hadn't noticed Jasmin.

"...would like to know if the story of her abuse was just to feed the press. I simply can't imagine that. You don't make up that sort of thing."

"Yes, one also doesn't upload a sex video to the internet to play the victim afterwards.  
Come on, forget it, I have no idea what's going on in her mind."

"Well, but honestley, there's this foundation..."

"Foundation, pshaw" Anni said with a dismissive handwave. She turned to Nele and asked provocatively: "Have you ever seen her do anything for this foundation?"

Nele thought about it for a moment.

"Nope, you're right there." Anni shrugged her shoulders. "But still, don't you want to know if she just made it up?"

From behind, with a barely controlled voice, Jasmin asked: "What exactly do you want to know, Nele?"

The two women turned around. Jasmin continued, still leaning at the door: "What it was like when my adoptive father came into my bed the first time on my 14th birthday? Or whether it hurt when he raped me when I was 16? Or what his hands felt like when..."

"Jasmin!", Anni interrupted her vigorously. "Stop it and leave Nele alone!"

For a moment there was a tense silence in the room before Jasmin nodded briefly and went to her room.

"Have fun gossiping!"

With a click her door closed.

Nele and Anni looked at each other. Horror was written in their faces.

"Shit."  
"Fuck!"

Nele took a step towards Jasmin's room but Anni held her back.

"Leave it!"

"Anni, I just want to apologize."

"No!"

Nele gave Anni a quizzical look.

"Come on, Nele, do you really think she wants to see anybody right now? And what are you gonna say? 'We're sorry we don't believe you but you let yourself in for this with all your lying'? That sucks."

"So what are we gonna do now?"

Just then they heard the key turning in the lock of the apartment's door and John and Pia came in.

"Hey girls, dinner ready?"

"NO." it sounded with one voice.

Dumbfounded Pia looked at them, arms akimbo.

"Okay, what is it this time?"

Anni walked up to her and asked:

"Do you have a moment?"

"Sure."

Anni pulled Pia over to her room by her arm. With a look over her shoulder she called:

"Sorry John, I have to borrow your better half for a moment."

Queryingly John looked from one to the other. But as Nele opened her mouth he raised his hands.

"Thanks, I don't even want to know. I have enough trouble with my family."

* * *

In her room, Anni turned to Pia and asked bluntly:

"What do you know about Jasmin's abuse?"

Pia gaver her a puzzled look.

"It's about Jasmin? I thought no one's talking to her?"

"Pia! My question!"

But Pia just shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know the details. That was all before I moved to Berlin."

"Shit."

Pia placed her hand on Anni's shoulder. "Anni, what happened? This subject is ancient."

Anni turned away and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Man, Nele and I were talking about Jasmin and her lies, and how the abuse story fits into the picture all too well, and suddenly she stood right behind us."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes. She threw some "little details" in our faces and withdrew to her room."

"Oh Sweetie, come here." Pia held Anni in her arms.

"What do we do now?", Anni asked softly.

Pia thought hard, then she nodded.

"Dominik. We call Dominik. He knows the whole story, they were together forever."

"Okay."

Pia looked at Anni queringly.

"Shall I?"

But Anni shook her head and pulled her phone out of her pocket as Pia left the room.

* * *

She searched the contacts for Dominik and hit the dial button. Dominik picked up after the second ring.

_"Hey Anni. What's up?"_

"Hey Nik. Say, do you have some time to come to our place?"

_"What's going on?"_

She was silent for a moment and then softly said:

"I think Jasmin needs you."

_"Has anything happened? Did those guys assault her again?"_

There was panic in Dominik's voice now, and totally aghast Anni asked:

"Assaulted? What guys? Dominik?"

But Dominik only said quickly:

_"Forget it, Anni. I'll be right there."_

Anni nearly exploded when she heard this.

"Forget it? Are you out of your.." But Dominik had already hung up. "What the f...?"

Frustrated she tossed her phone on the bed and braced herself against the wall.

"Man, does everything have to be a drama with this woman?"

Anni took a deep breath. Dominik's words were spinning around in her head and the images joining them made Anni dizzy. She felt like she could barely breathe.  
'It couldn't have been what it sounded like just now.', she thought. 'Come on, she wouldn't have passed on the opportunity for us to take pity on her."  
But as much as she tried to convince herself, she still felt uneasy.

The doorbell rang.

She lifted her head and went back into the living room. John had let Dominik in. The two young men greeted each other with a brief hug.

"Props to you. That was record time.", Anni said from the background and added: "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Taken aback by her curt tone the others looked at her, but Dominik just gave her a quick nod and followed Anni to her room.

* * *

"What happened?"  
"What did you mean with guys assaulting Jasmin?", the both asked simultanously when Anni had closed the door.

"You first.", Anni nodded at Dominik. He dropped his gaze briefly before he lifted his head again and looked Anni right in the eye.

"Last week, when Jasmin was staying in my father's guest room, two guys assaulted her at the subway station. Apparently they wanted to re-enact the sex video with Jasmin in the lead."

Dominik's voice sounded soft and serious. Anni sat down on the bed and closed her eyes. The feeling of dizziness returned. As he continued, his voice started to tremble a little and he started pacing around the room.

"She fought back but there were two of them, and one of them had grabbed her from behind. If I hadn't come by..."

Dominik didn't go on and turned away. Anni had covered her face in her hands and tried to breathe deeply. For a minute that felt like an eternity a leaden silence fell over the room.

Dominik looked out the window but all he saw was the image of Jasmin desperately struggling agains the guy's arms clutching her from behind in a perverted copy of an embrace. Jolting him out of his thoughts Anni asked:

"Did you call the cops?"

Dominik shook his head.

"She didn't want the press to get wind of it."

Anni flared up. Suddenly she felt raging fury inside her and somehow it felt best to direct it at Dominik and Jasmin.

"So you're saying there are two guys walking around out there who could assault someone else any time? Are you out of your minds? What do you want? A second round, or someone else going through the same thing?"

Furiously she tossed her pillows against the wall. Dominik let her rage for a moment. He knew exactly how she felt. Then he replied quietly:

"Anni, she was totally run down. And believe me, you can't force her. I've been there. If you pressure her now it will only end in disaster."

Anni took a deep breath. His answer was like a bucket of cold water, and suddenly she remembered why Dominik came over in the first place. Slowly she said:

"You mean her abuse."

Dominik nodded and Anni gulped.

"And that's the reason I called you."

He just looked at her queringly. Ashamedly she looked down and Domink had to listen closely to make out her words.

"I guess Nele and I inadvertently reminded her of it, and together with what you just told me..."

Dominik nodded understandingly.

"She locked herself in, right?

Anni shook her head but then shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. She went to her room."

"Okay." Dominik turned around and pondered his next steps. "Listen, I'll look in on her but we're gonna need some time. Do you think you could leave us alone?"

Anni got up. For a brief moment it gave her a sting that Domink apparently knew exactly how to deal with the situation while she was totally overstrained with it.

"Sure, no problem. I'll get the others out of here."

Both of them walked to the door. Just before Dominik opened it, Anni grasped his arm.

"Nik?" He turned around again. Nervously she twisted her fingers and looked to the side. "We didn't want this. It's just that she's so..."

"Complicated? Frustrating?" Dominik smiled faintly. "I know. Don't worry, Anni. It's not your fault." He hesitated before he went on. "But do me a favor and don't tell anyone what happened last week, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks for telling me."

Dominik's smile turned into a grin. He tapped her nose and got a crooked smile out of her.

"Shall I tell you the scecret why I trust you with all this?"

"Because I have such a sympathetic nature?", Anni asked with a self-mocking undertone.

"No.", he replied and gave a short laugh. Then he became serious. "Jasmin trusts you, Anni. She..."

Then Domink shook his head. He couldn't and wouldn't say any more. The two young women had to sort out the rest themselves. He gave Anni an encouraging smile and left the room. Pensive and a little confused Anni stayed behind. What else had Dominik wanted to say?

Her phone beeped and jolted her out of her thoughts. She rummaged for it a bit and found it in her bed. Pia had sent her a whats-app message:

_"Everything okay with you?"_  
'No, it's not all okay.', Anni thought but replied with a "Sure, everything's fine. I'll be right out."

She put the phone in her pocket and ran her hands over her face. Finally she gave herself a yank and returned to the living room. Dominik was standing at John's side talking about the wedding. Pia and Nele were nibbling pasta, giggling around. Pia looked up and winked at her. Anni tried to smile but her eyes were drawn to Jasmin's door. She would have liked best to... 'No, damnit, you can't do anything right now. Let Dominik handle it.", she called herself to order. She took a deep breath, put on a smile and called out to the group:

"Okay, people, who's up for sushi?"

"But we made pasta."

"Yes, Nele, but I don't feel like pasta. Come on, let's go."

Anni handed Nele her jacket and picked up her own as Pia was already shoving John out the door. Right before Anni closed the door, she gave Dominik a grateful look. He just nooded back briefly.

* * *

As calm had settled, Dominik walked over to the door to Jasmin's room. Tentatively he knocked.

"Jasmin? It's me, Dominik. The others are gone. Can I come in?"

There was silence for a while. Dominik stood by the door and waited. Finally he heard a soft "Come in." and opened the door. He was surprised it wasn't locked. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He looked around and found Jasmin sitting on the windowsill. She was staring out into the darkness.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Her voice sounded hoarse. Dominik didn't know if it was from crying or from hardly talking to anybody for days.

"How are you feeling?"

Jasmin remained silent. Then she looked at him and he could see the traces of her tears in her face, her eyes red and dry. There was a tiredness in her face that seemed to run deeper than a few sleepless nights.

"Empty. I feel totally empty. There's just nothing left."

Dominik walked over to her and took her in his arms. Reflexively she rested her head on his shoulder. They both kept silent for a few minutes until Jasmin said softly:

"Nik?"

"Hm?"

"I think I need help."

"Yes, I know."

"Good."

She closed her eyes and for the first time over the last few weeks she felt like she could sense light at the end of the tunnel.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Nervously Jasmin played around with her former therapist's card, still unsure if she should actually call her. The night before, talking with Dominik, everything had seemed so clear. But now she'd just slept through the night for the first time since Kurt had left her, and there was this voice whispering in her head:  
'Come on, Jasmin, you worked through all this already. What's your problem? That Kurt's gone? Do you really want to go through hell again? Because you know very well that's what it's gonna be, hell - Nowak, Katrin, the dirty feeling you won't be able to shake off. You don't have to go through it all all over again. What for? For your so-called friends who let you down when you need them the most? There's just no point.'  
Jasmin tossed the card onto the bed and pressed her hands to her ears. Like a mantra she kept repeating in her mind 'It's not true. They are there for me. Dominik's there for me. He was here all night. Dominik's my friend.'  
She looked back and forth between the card and her phone, but she couldn't bring herself to dial the number.

Finally she left her room to get some coffee. Lost in her thoughts, Jasmin walked towards the coffee machine, noticing neither Anni sitting at the table, drinking her coffee, nor that the coffee pot was still half full. Just as she was about to pour water into the pot, Anni said to her:

"You shouldn't water it down too much. It won't wake you up then."

Startled Jasmin turned around, almost dropping the coffee pot.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, let me get this."

Quickly Anni got up, took the pot from her hands and put it on the kitchen counter. Jasmin felt her heart leaping to her throat and her hands trembling slightly. Swiftly she folded her arms to hide it. Anni looked at her, but Jasmin avoided her gaze.

"Are you okay?" Jasmin tried to smile, but couldn't. "You startled me, that's all." Her voice was shaking, and Anni raised her hands apologetically. "Hey, I live here."

Now a faint smile spread across Jasmin's face after all. Gradually she calmed down, even though Anni made her nervous. Almost subconsciously she wanted to step back, but Anni had poured her some coffee and handed her the cup. Slightly surprised Jasmin wrapped her hands around it.

"Thanks."

She took a sip and closed her eyes briefly as the warmth was flowing through her body. When she opened them again, Anni was still standing next to her. She looked at her roommate searchingly. Anni seemed more open than she'd been over the past few weeks. "Since when are you talking to me again?" Anni shrugged her shoulders, went back to the table and sat down. "Maybe I just wanted to be polite?" Jasmin looked at her, shaking her head. Anni gave her a slightly provokative smile and said in a feigned indifferent tone:

"Hey, if you don't like it, I can go back to the silent treatment."

For a moment there was a tense silence between them, then Jasmin put down her half-filled cup and turned to go back to her room. Just before she got to her door, she heard Anni say:

"Dominik told me about what happened last week."

Jasmin halted, but didn't turn back around to Anni. "I know." She gulped. Then she went on, her voice sounding hoarse: "Spare me your pity, okay?" and retreated to her room.

Stunned Anni gazed after her. This was not the reaction she had expected. She'd thought Jasmin would jump at the opportunity to be comforted. But then she thought back to Dominik's words from the previous night and how Jasmin had kept silent about the attempted rape for days now. Heavens, if it weren't for Dominik she still wouldn't know about it. Frustration rose up in her. 'Why can't she react the way you expect her to just for once? Why is 'unpredictability' her middle name? And why the hell does she accuse me of just pitying her?', Anni asked herself and remembered the words she had thrown in Jasmin's face months ago: "This woman doesn't need pity but a kick in the ass!" Determined to give her just that, she got up and walked over to Jasmin's door. She knocked briefly, but instead of waiting for an answer she just opened the door. Jasmin was standing in the middle of the room, half way turned to her, again looking alarmed. But Anni didn't care about that right then.

"It's not pity I feel for you, ok?", she said with barely suppressed anger in her voice.

When Jasmin just looked at her in silence, she felt her frustration subside. A bit helplessly she shrugged her shoulders and continued:

"Sympathy, yes, but not pity."

Anni was waiting for a response, but there was none. Jasmin seemed numb. Finally Anni asked the question that had been haunting her all night:

"Why didn't you say anything?"

The question brought Jasmin out of her rigor.

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell us what happened?"

Jasmin looked at her incredulously and whispered "You can't be serious, can you?" But then her voice became increasingly loud. "Why would I have done that? Only to hear that I made it up? Or that I'd provoked it myself?"

The shock of Jasmin's words hit Anni like a punch in the gut. Slowly she shook her head.

"You don't really believe that, do you? That even one of us would have said that."

Jasmin gave a bitter laugh and brushed a strand of her hair that had fallen into her face from her forehead before she looked Anni in the eye.

"Anni, yesterday you and Nele talked about how I probably just made up the "abuse story" to get attention."

Shame shot through Anni, and she looked at the floor. Tonelessly Jasmin went on:

"What's the difference anyway?" She raised her hands in a resigned gesture. "90 percent of the people out there who know I uploaded the video myself think I'm a slut who'd do anything to be mentioned in the page 10 gossip column. A made up or staged rape fits the picture perfectly."

Shaken Anni looked up, but Jasmin didn't even notice. It was as if she was talking to herself.

"And they're right. I have done anything to put myself back on the map. I sold my marriage. I lied to my mother and my friends." She shrugged her shoulders helplessly. "And now I have to live with the consequences. No job, no friends and guys on the street who think I am fair game."

The lump in Anni's throat almost choked her, and so softly it was barely audible she said:

"What those guys did wasn't your fault."

Jasmin looked at her, tears in her eyes. Her lower lip quivered as she replied:

"No, it's not, but how many people do you think see it that way?"

"Screw those people then." Anni's voice became more and more passionate. "I know better and you know better. And all those idiots don't matter to us."

Tears were streaming down Jasmin's face now, and Anni couldn't hold back anymore. So she did what she would have loved to do the previous night. She walked over to her and took Jasmin in her arms. She could feel the quiver running through Jasmin's body and swallowed her own tears. After a few minutes of just holding her, Anni felt Jasmin gradually relaxing and leaned back to look at her. She bit her lower lip. Even with cried out eyes and dark circles under them, she was simply beautiful. Carefully she stroked a wisp of hair away from her face and smiled faintly as Jasmin closed her eyes at the touch. One last tear rolled down Jasmin's cheek, and Anni couldn't help but brush it away. Before the temptation became too much, she stepped back.

"Better?" Jasmin blushed a little and coughed slightly. "Yes, thank you."

She twisted her fingers nervously and just couldn't keep them still. It raised a little grin from Anni. Jasmin was so cute when she did this. Jasmin's hands stopped as she noticed this, and she blushed again, which only made Anni's grin become even broader. Finally Jasmin took Anni's hand and looked her in the eye.

"Thank you." Anni could see the relief in Jasmin's eyes, the gratitude, and she shook her head. "No big deal", she dismissed it with a feigned light tone, but Jasmin softly encompassed her hand to emphasize her next words:

"It is, Anni. Thank you. I don't take it for granted."

Anni just shrugged her shoulders, and Jasmin took a deep breath before she went on. "I know I've said it over and over, but I really am sorry I lied to all of you. And I know I hurt you by it, and by being too cowardly to tell the truth when you gave me the chance. I'd give anything to undo it, but I can't, and I'm sorry." The tears she had fought back before welled up in Anni's eyes. But she didn't avert her gaze from Jasmin.

"I know you're sorry. I know you wish it had never happened. And I wish we could just continue where we left off, but we can't."

Jasmin bit her lip and lowered her head as Anni went on. "I trusted you. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again. But..." Jasmin looked up. "...I think we can try. Not to pick up where we left off, but to start over."  
A timid smile spread over Jasmin's face, and she nodded slightly. "Okay. A fresh start start. Sounds good." The tension between them made way for tentative joy. From outside they heard the door being opened.

_"Anni?"_ Nele called.

Anni looked at Jasmin and bashfully said "Um..I gotta go... Nele is set on making up for yesterday's pasta dinner." Now Jasmin couldn't help but grin, and she teased Anni "Spaghetti Bolognese à la Brehme, or did Nele snatch the cooking spoon?" Anni returned the grin and proclaimed proudly "She let me cut the onions."

She looked at their hands, still grasped together. Slowly she let go of Jasmin's hand and opened her mouth, but Jasmin beat her to it:

"It's okay. You two have fun."

"You could join us."

But Jasmin shook her head. "No, it's fine. I have things to do, and I don't want to embarrass Nele after the other night." Anni nodded. There was something else she needed to get off her chest, so she took Jasmin's hand once more and said:

"I'm sorry about yesterday. It was wrong and we didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's okay. I don't blame you."

Anni looked at her musingly. She wasn't sure why, but somehow it bothered her that Jasmin seemed to take it so lightly. Anni couldn't imagine that the issue was so easily sorted by her. But she wasn't sure if and how she should call Jasmin on it either, and then she heard Nele calling again and replied:

"I'll be right there, just a moment."

Jasmin let go of her and gave a little nod, and so Anni backed out towards the door.

"See you later then."

"Yes. And thanks again."

Anni opened the door and left the room. Through the closed door Jasmin heard Nele asking:

_"What were you doing in Jasmin's room?"_

_"I just wanted to get a CD of mine she still had."_

_"And where is it?"_

_"I couldn't find it."_

With a shake of her head and a little laugh about Anni's excuse, Jasmin turned around and her eyes fell on the card she had thrown onto the bed earlier. She looked at the closed door again, and a long-missed confidence spread through her. It was as if the conversation with Anni had taken a huge load off her shoulders. And maybe it really had, when she thought about how much Anni's cold disdain over the past weeks had affected her. Determined she took the card and her phone and walked up to the window. For a moment she watched the hustle on the street outside. People laughing, children playing, arguing and kissing couples. A vague longing got hold of her she couldn't quite pin down. Then she dialed the number.

_"Psychotherapy Jellinghaus, what can I do for you?"_

"Mrs. Jellinghaus, this is Jasmin Le..., Jasmin Flemming speaking. I don't know if you remember me. I was with you a couple of years ago, but my name was Nowak back then."

For a moment Jasmin could her the clicking sound of a keyboard. She waited.

_"Mrs. Nowak, your mother's trial. Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"_

Jasmin gulped. Then she said with a decicive voice "I need an appointment with you. If possible, this week."

_"Let me just check."_ Jasmin heard the therapist browsing her calendar. _"Would 4 p.m. on thursday be alright with you?"_

"Thank you, that's great. I'll be there. The day after tomorrow, 4 p.m.."

_"Good, I'll see you in two days then. If it should get more urgent, please give me a call."_

"Thank you for your help. I'll get back to you on that if necessary. Good bye."

_"Good bye, Ms. Flemming."_

Jasmin hang up. Her hands were trembling, but she finally felt like she was doing the right thing again. It was time she got her life back together.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

A soft murmur roused Anni from her sleep. Disoriented she groped for her alarm clock, but the murmur continued. Slowly she opened her eyes. There was no morning light shining through the window yet. She sat up and looked for her watch on her night stand. _2:39 a.m._ 'Damn!" Anni fell back into her pillows. She heard soft voices from the living room. 'The TV', Anni realized und wondered which one of her roommates could possibly still be sitting in front of the box at this hour. She coughed slightly and got up to get a glass of water from the fridge. Yawning, she ran her hand over her eyes on her way to the kitchen.

As she left her room, she saw a black&amp;white movie playing on the TV, and her eyes fell unto the couch. She halted abruptly. Jasmin was lying on the couch, still in the t-shirt she had been wearing all day. A blanket was covering her halfway up her legs, and in her arms she held a pillow she was practically clinging to. Jasmin was sleeping peacefully. On tiptoe Anni walked over to the couch and bent over her to pull up the blanket. Jasmin didn't move, her breathing was slow and deep, and Anni sat down on the floor and looked at her. Jasmin's dark hair covered her face a little, and a wisp of hair moved with every breath. Long lashes fell over her eyes, but they couldn't disguise the almost bluish black circles beneath them. Anni reached out her hand and traced the contours of Jasmin's face with her index finger, careful not to actually touch her. She wanted to caress her, so much her fingers started trembling, but it wouldn't be right. Finally, Anni lowered her hand.

She spotted the remote on the table, picked it up and turned off the TV. She was wrapped in darkness now, and she stroked over the blanket once more and whispered:

"Sleep well".

Then she got up and returned to the fridge. Just as Anni had poured herself a glass of water and put back the bottle, she heard a soft whimpering coming from the couch. She turned around, but Jasmin hadn't moved, and it was quiet again. Anni returned to her room as silently as possible, but before she got to the door the whimpering started again, this time louder, and in between Anni could hear a stifled "No".

Quickly she put down her glass and neared the couch. Jasmin's forehead had creased up, and she was tossing around. Frantically clinging to the pillow, it looked as if Jasmin was trying to get away from an invisible assaulter, but the back of the couch left her no escape. "No, please don't" - the whimpering had turned into begging, and Anni was shocked when she realized what Jasmin was dreaming about. Carefully she drew closer to Jasmin and gently shook her shoulder.

"Jasmin?", she whispered. "Wake up, you're having a bad dream."

No alteration, Jasmin's motions only became more frantic. Anni gripped her shoulder tighter and tried to pull her out of her nightmare. Suddenly Jasmin flared up with a loud "Don't touch me!" and pushed her off so hard that Anni almost toppled over backwards over the armchair behind her. Just in time she braced herself and managed to keep her balance. Jasmin sat upright, her knees pulled up to her body, her eyes straying around the room, half glazed over, and Anni realized she was still caught in her horrid dreamworld. Quickly she walked around the table to approach her from the front, so she could see her.

"Jasmin?", Anni tried to keep her voice as normal as possible.

"Go away! Leave me alone!"

The panic in Jasmin's voice almost froze Anni. A slight despair got hold of her, and she tried to get through to Jasmin.

"Hey, it's me - Anni.", she reached out her hands and saw Jasmin looking at her. "Do you recognize me?" Anni kept standing about 3 feet from Jasmin and waited. Gradually Jasmin's eyes became clearer, and her breathing settled down as well. Anni kept still, she hardly dared to move for fear of frightening her again.

"Anni?", Jasmin asked, her voice quivering.

Relief flodded through Anni.

"Yes, it's me." She gave a little smile.

Jasmin tossed the pillow to the end of the couch and buried her face in her hands. Then she looked up. Anni was still standing a step away from her.

"What happened?", she asked softly.

"You had a nightmare. I tried to wake you up."

She drew closer to the couch and wanted to take Jasmin's hand, but she pulled away.

"Don't. Please don't touch me."

Startled Anni looked at her and lowered her hands. Jasmin seemed like a cornered animal, the utter panic still not completely gone from her eyes, and Anni had to gulp at the sight. She backed off again and frantically thought about what she should do. Hesitantly she asked:

"Do you..do you want to talk about it?"

A vehement head shake was the answer. Anni nodded.

"Okay. Okay." She needed a moment to compose herself. "Stay seated, I'll get you a glass of water."

Anni got up and went back to the fridge. She could feel Jasmin's eyes following her.

Rarely in her life had she felt this helpless, almost powerless. Usually she had no problem remaining level-headed, even in hairy situations, but Jasmin had always been the exception to this rule. For a moment, Anni leaned her head on the refrigerator door.

'Okay, Anni. Step by step. The most important thing now is for her to calm down. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.' She took a fresh glass from the cabinet and slowly poured in the water. On her way back to the couch she picked up her glass from before and sat down in the armchair next to the couch. Careful not to touch Jasmin, she passed Jasmin the water. Jasmin still sat in the corner of the couch, her legs pulled up to her chest. Her hands trembled slightly as she took the glass from Anni.

"Thanks", she said softly hastily took a gulp. She choked, and Anni quickly got up to pat her on the back, but Jasmin flinched and put our her hand as if in defense.

"It's okay, I'm okay." She put down the water and leaned back into the couch. For a moment Jasmin closed her eyes. Softly she began to speak:

"I couldn't sleep, so I watched a movie. And then I must have dozed off."

"I heard the TV", Anni replied. Quickly Jasmin looked up.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm sorry."

But Anni shook her head.

"It's okay."

Silence spread between them. Both were lost in their thoughts, unsure of what to do or explain. Finally, Jasmin continued:

"It helps me, you know?" Anni looked at her queringly, and Jasmin pointed at the TV. "The TV. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. That makes it easier."

And Anni comprehended what had triggered the nightmare. It was the silence. She gulped. Why had she turned off that stupid thing? She could have slapped herself at the thought. But then her thoughts moved on, and like a movie she saw the previous days before her inner eye, when Jasmin had hardly left her room. Suddenly a feeling of nausea came over her, and Anni took a sharp breath. Jasmin _had_ been alone, alone with her thoughts, alone with her memories, alone with... Hastily she raised her head and in a coarse voice she asked:

"How often?", but Jasmin didn't answer. "How many times have you had this nightmare, Jasmin?"

Jasmin kept silent, and she didn't look at Anni either. She looked to the side, her face hidden behind her hair, and Anni understood that her silent supposition had hit home.

'Every damn night.'

Anni got up, she just couldn't sit still anymore. She started pacing around the room, her thoughts spinning in her head, and she desperately tried to put them in some kind of order. Finally, she turned around to Jasmin, raised her hands and said:

"I don't get it."

Jasmin looked at her numbly. She was still in the clutches of the nightmare that had haunted her all week, und suddenly she felt cold. She started to tremble slightly and could only hear Anni as if through a wall of cotton wool now. Her words wafted past Jasmin, without actually reaching her. Anni's voice became louder.

"You almost get raped, you have nightmares, you don't sleep, you barely eat, and you won't get help."

Anni stopped her pacing and waited for an answer. It was only after a few moments that she realized Jasmin had barely heard anything she'd said. In her upset, she hadn't noticed that Jasmin was heading towards a panick attack. Her breathing had already become irregular, and she withdrew into herself, which only made it worse.

"Shit." Anni looked around. 'A bag, I need a paper bag.' She looked around frantically and her gaze fell unto the baker's paper bag from the day before. "Ayla, you're a gem", Anni mumbled, grabbed the bag, tipped out the last roll on the table and quickly returned to the couch. By now Jasmin was trembling all over her body and tears welled in her eyes. Anni got behind the couch and held Jasmin's arms firmly to her upper body so she couldn't lash out. She bit her lip as she felt Jasmin fighting her grasp with all her strength, but she didn't let go. After a silent struggle, that felt like an eternity to them both, from one moment to the next, Jasmin collapsed into herself, and Anni could press the paper bag to her mouth and her nose. She loosened her grip, gently stroked her hair and whispered:

"In and out. In and out. Very slowly. Shhh."

Anni closed her eyes and felt Jasmin relaxing more and more every minute. Anni heaved a sigh of relief. Finally, she felt Jasmin's hand reaching for her arm and pulling away the paper bag. Exhausted, Jasmin leaned back, and her head landed on Anni's shoulder. Anni froze, and for a moment she barely dared to breathe. After a couple of minutes, she opened her eyes and looked at Jasmin. Half dried up traces of tears showed on her face, and she had closed her eyes. It almost seemed as if she had fallen asleep again. But when Anni wanted to lay her back down on the couch, Jasmin reached for her hand and whispered:

"Stay."

So Anni stayed perched behind the couch, Jasmin halfway in her arms, feeling herself relax a little as well. But after a while her legs and her arms started to hurt, so she said softly:

"Jasmin?"

"Hm?"

"My legs are falling asleep."

Slowly Jasmin blinked and opened her eyes. Anni gulped and thought dryly: 'I guess that's what you call bedroom eyes.' She felt slight arousal building up inside herself and tried to push this feeling away again. This really wasn't the right time for that.

Jasmin lifted her head and took a closer look at Anni. A slight blush had spread over her roommate's face. 'Cute', it shot through her head before she could even grasp the thought. Self-consciousness came over her.

"Oh", she mumbled, quickly disentangled her legs and got up from the couch. Slowly Anni stood up as well, shaking out her arms and legs. They avoided looking at each other, too unsure of how to rate the situation. Nervously Jasmin reached for her glass of water and took a gulp. Then she turned around to Anni and pointed in the direction of her room,

"I... I think I'll go to sleep now."

Anni just stood riveted to the spot and nodded slightly. She followed Jasmin with her eyes until the door closed with a soft click. Then she ran both her hands over her face. She looked at the clock. _3:57 a.m._ Anni grimaced. It had felt much longer, and she was dead tired. But she knew there was no way she would catch any sleep this night. She turned around and went back to her room. Then she took her guitar and her headphones and quietly began to play. she could only hope Jasmin would get some rest for the remainder of the night. Anni admitted to herself that she would have loved nothing better than to watch over Jasmin's sleep until the morning light, but this dream would probably always remain unfulfilled.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

When Jasmin left her room the following morning, Anni was standing by the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee in her hand, looking out the window. She appeared to be deeply absorbed in her thoughts.

"Hi", Jasmin said softly, jolting Anni out of her thoughts.

"Hi", she replied as softly and asked: "Are you ok?"

While she was nodding, Jasmin already felt Anni's searching look. Jasmin preempted Anni's question how her night had been: "I actually fell asleep right away, and I didn't have any more nightmares."

What she didn't say was that before falling asleep, she had thought about the feeling of Anni's arms on her skin. The memory of it made Jasmin a little self-conscious. She gave Anni a sneaking look and placed her hand on her arm. "Thank you, Anni, for your help last night. I really don't know what I would have done without you."

Dryly and with a touch of self mockery in her voice, Anni replied: "Simply slept on the couch til morning, because I wouldn't have turned off the stupid tv?"

"You're not seriously blaming yourself for that now, are you?", Jasmin looked at her roomate, a bit puzzled.

With a shrug of her shoulders, Anni let her gaze wander to the window. She hadn't closed an eye for the rest of the night, and with each minute her anger at herself had increased. And Jasmin's nightmare hadn't been the only thing troubling her, but the whole situation that had led to the assault at Jasmin in the first place. Perhaps it never would have come to that, if Jasmin hadn't moved out, if they hadn't all abandoned her. But Anni had been so incredibly furious at her.

Shocked, Jasmin noticed guilt and anger showing in Anni's face and clasped her hand. "No, Anni, no."

Anni tried to pull away her hand, but Jasmin didn't let go.

"Anni, look at me, please", she pleaded softly with her roommate, but Anni just shook her head. She felt her eyes fill with tears and tried to blink them away. Jasmin let go of Anni's hand, reached for her chin and turned her head so she had to look at her. Uncried tears stood in Anni's dark eyes. Jasmin had to take a deep gulp at the sight. Gently she placed her hand on Anni's cheek and said emphatically: "It's not your fault. Nothing of what happened is your fault. Do you hear me?"

But she could see the doubt in Anni's eyes. Just as she was about to speak on, she heard steps on the stairs. Quickly she let go of Anni's face and took a step back. Anni wiped her eyes with her sleeve. Then she lifted her hand and took a sip of her now ice-cold coffee. She grimaced, making Jasmin chuckle.

Nele came into into the kitchen and halted abruptly when she saw Jasmin. Uncertainty and the look of a bad conscience flew over Nele's face, but before she could say anything, Jasmin calmly wished her a good morning.

"We'll have to talk about that", she added in Anni's direction.

Anni nodded briefly, then Jasmin disappeared into the bathroom.

Nele's perplexed gaze followed Jasmin to the bathroom. "Say, did I miss anything?", she finally wanted to know from Anni.

But her friend just shrugged her shoulders and turned to the coffee maschine.

"Coffee? I'm making a fresh pot.", she tried to distract from the subject.

"Sure, I'd love some. Thanks.", Nele replied hesitantly.

She sensed that something had preoccupied Anni, since the night Dominik had been there. Nele watched her friend making coffee and noticed that her hand trembled slightly. Something was wrong, and Nele had a vague feeling that it had something to do with Jasmin. Determined to find out what was going on, Nele sat down at the kitchen table and waited patiently until Anni walked over to her, holding two cups of coffee, and handed one to her.

"Thank you.", she took the coffee her with a smile.

Anni didn't answer, but sat down opposite her. She looked over to the couch and couldn't avert her eyes. The sad image of the utterly frightened Jasmin, huddled up in one corner of the couch, still haunted her. With a quiet "damn" she pushed away her coffee mug. Nele creased her forehead. She had never seen Anni like this. Sure, she was a bit grumpy sometimes, and before her second cup of coffee it was best to leave her alone, but now she looked as if she'd already had five cups and was in low spirits anyway. Slowly she pushed the cup back towards Anni and gave her a searching look, before she asked gently: "Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong.", Anni replied tonelessly and reached for her cup again. Nele leaned back and looked at Anni. She didn't believe a word she said.

"If 'nothing' puts you in a mood like this, maybe there better be something wrong. Come on, Anni, you know you can't conceal it from me forever, anyway! Besides, I can see you've been in a complete turmoil for the past two days."

"I have no idea what you mean."

Anni didn't look at Nele and played with her cup's handle. Nele shook her head. She couldn't believe Anni actually thought she could take her for a fool.

"No, sure. You have no clue. You were somewhere else in your thoughts all through sushi dinner, the next day you come out of Jasmin's room and claim you were looking for a CD, and this morning you look like you didn't get any sleep last night. Anni, who are you trying to fool?"

Nele's voice had gotten louder in the end, drowning out the sound of the bathroom door being opened. As if rooted to the spot, Jasmin stood by the door. She had only caught the last words, but she saw the look of defiance on Anni's face.

"You know what, Nele? Even if you can't imagine it, some things just don't concern you!", Anni retorted sharply, jumping to her feet, her hands braced against the table.

She was going to turn and walk away, but Nele held her by her arm and replied, with unmistakable warning in her voice: "Anni, I won't have you snapping at me like this! If you don't want to tell me what's going on, I can't help it, but I thought we were friends."

Nele's disappointment was clear in her voice. Anni wrenched from her clasp and opened her mouth, but Jasmin pre-empted her: "Stop! Both of you!"

Anni looked up as quickly as Nele turned around. Trying to control her trembling voice, Jasmin turned to Nele and continued softly: "I'm sorry, Nele, it's my fault. I inadvertently woke Anni up last night."

"It's not your fault!", Anni intervened testily.

Nele looked back and forth between Anni and Jasmin, as they were facing facing each other, and she had a feeling the unspoken words between them said much more than any discussion or fight ever could. "Ok. That's enough. Would you please explain to me what's going on here?", she pleaded with them, her hands raised in a calming gesture.

Jasmin looked at Anni a moment longer, who was slowly shaking her head. She could see Anni was just trying to protect her, and gratitude raised in her. But she didn't want her to fall out with Nele or her other friends on account of her. After a few moments of reflection, she came to a decision and turned to Nele: "Alright. I'm gonna tell you what's going on, but I don't want to repeat myself. Could you get Ayla? I'm gonna go get dressed."

As Jasmin headed for her room, Nele walked up the stairs to get Ayla.

"Jasmin, you don't have to...", Anni tried to hold back her rommate.

The door handle in her hand, Jasmin turned back around at Anni. "It's okay, Anni.", she assured her.

"No, it's not. It's none of her business.", Anni objected, her voice getting louder.

"Anni!", Jasmin interupted her emphatically. "My life, my decision! Alright?"

"But..."

"No but."

For a moment silence stood between them, until Jasmin broke it saying: "Would you call Pia, John and Tuner too, please?"

"Are you sure?", Anni ascertained that Jasmin knew what she was doing and was aware of the consequences her decision would have. She wouldn't be able to revoke it afterwards.

Jasmin nodded briefly, then she turned and shut the door behind her. In her room she backed against the door for a moment and took a deep breath. She felt a little dizzy, so she sat down on the floor for a few minutes, her back leaning on the door. When the black spots stopped dancing in front of her eyes, she got up and picked out her clothes. Jeans, t-shirt, warm socks. nothing extravagant, just comfortable. She got dressed and pulled up her hair in a ponytail. Then she picked up her phone and Mrs. Jellinghausen's card from the table and dialed the number. Jasmin knew she would need help after the talk with her friends today, and after the panick attack the previous night, she didn't want to wait until the next day.

Out in the living room, Ayla and Nele were sitting on the couch, watching Anni pace the room, as she reasoned with Tuner over the phone. Pia and John were already on their way. Finally, Anni lost it: "Tuner, damn it, come over or don't, I don't care."

_"Alright, alright, I'm coming. Calm down."_

Anni rolled her eyes and hang up.

Five minutes later, everybody had gathered in the living room. Softly Anni knocked on Jasmin's door. Jasmin opened it and silently waved her into the room, since she was still on the phone. Anni was in the room just long enough to hear Jasmin cofirm an appointment for the afternoon. After the phone call Anni looked at Jasmin queringly. Instead of explaining herself, Jasmin simply handed her the card.

**_'B. Jellinghaus - psychotherapy, trauma relief'_**

"You're going to therapy?", Anni asked with surprise.

Jasmin nodded bashfully. "I know her from back when things turned really bad with my adoptive father. She was a big help to me at the time.", she explained in a low, faltering voice.

She wasn't sure how Anni would react and was a little afraid she might find it ridiculous.

"Wow.", Anni said, unmistakeable astonishment in her voice. "You're getting help. I think it's great.", she added with a smile.

"I know that there are things I can't handle on my own.", Jasmin gave a shrug of her shoulders. "Are they all here?"

Anni nodded and once again asked her, doubts showing in her voice: "Are you really sure? I wouldn't mind to get rid of them again for you."

Anni's challenging tone of voice raised a smile from Jasmin. Was she sure? No, she wasn't! The trembling of her hands she tried to hide by interlacing her fingers was a clear indication that she wasn't feeling as well as she wanted everybody to believe.

"I'm sure. They are my friends, right? They deserve to know the truth, and I don't want you and Dominik to have to lie because of me.", she answered, in spite of her doubts.

Anni looked her in the eye searchingly for a moment and saw the fear, hidden behind Jasmin's resolve. A wave of emotion came over her. Pride, admiration, the wish to take her in her arms, and a love she had never felt before. "You're an amazing woman, do you know that?", she said softly.

Abashed, Jasmin didn't say anything. The silence in the room became heavy. Too much was unspoken between them, but somehow they sensed it wasn't the right moment for this. Finally, Jasmin gave herself a jolt and headed for the door. Over her shoulder she said to Anni: "Come on, it's time for the truth."

Before she opened the door, she felt Anni's hand stroking her back and heard her say: "Remember, you're not alone. I'm here."

Jasmin felt herself relax a little at Anni's words and her touch. "I know."

With Anni by her side, she stepped out of her room. Her friends were standing or sitting together in small groups. John and Pia, and Tuner had joined Nele and Ayla. they were talking quietly, but Jasmin was far too nervous to follow their conversation. When they heard the door, the friends looked up. Jasmin could see the distrust in her friends' eyes, and she flinched internally.

"Hey", she said softly, but only Pia replied with an equally quiet "hey".

Jasmin sent a grateful smile in her direction. She downright didn't know where to start. Finally, Nele bailed her out when she started the conversation from the couch.: "Okay, I don't know what this is all about, but you said you had something to tell us, and I'm really not up for more cryptic insinuations."

Nele sent a slightly frustrated look Anni's way, but she only had eyes Jasmin, whose body language she was trying to read. She actually was prepared to throw every last one of their friends out of the apartment, if it became clear that Jasmin wasn't up to this whole truth hoopla. For the first time in her life, she felt felt like in some situations truth was being totally overrated. In a low voice, Jasmin began to relate the fateful night, and Anni saw the shock on Pia's face and the way she held on tightly to John, the sympathy in Nele's eyes, and Ayla, who was looking down at the floor and looked as if she'd rather cover her ears.

"Shit.", it burst out of Tuner.

Pia left John's arms. Tears streamed down her face, as she walked over to Jasmin and hugged her tightly. "I'm so glad Dominik was there in time and nothing happened to you.", Anni heard her whisper in Jasmin's ear.

"Why didn't you say anything?", Pia asked Jasmin, with a twinge of despair, as she wiped Jasmin's tears off her face.

Jasmin shrugged her shoulders, and Anni could hear the pain in her voice when she replied:

"I just wasn't sure if you'd believe me." The despair in Jasmin's voice hit Anni like a blow and put a lump in her throat.

"Oh sweetie, of course we would have believed you! No one would make up something like this! You mustn't ever think that, do you hear me?", Pia replied, aghast.

Anni and Nele's eyes met, and Anni detected the same guilt in Nele's eyes that had been tormenting Anni for days. Nele joined her best friend in the kitchen.

"You knew about this?", she asked quietly.

Anni only nodded, but Nele comprehended. "Dominik told you the night he was here."

"He let something slip on the phone and then, yes, he told me what happened.", Anni admitted.

"And last night?"

Anni looked up and saw that John was taking care of Pia and Jasmin, who calmed down gradually. "She had a nightmare.", she explained to her best friend.

"God, I feel so bad for her! Isn't there anything we can do to help?"

"Give her time to work through it and wait for her to come.", Anni shook her head.

Nele gave her a skeptical look. "Yes, but we have to do something. Maybe..."

"Nele?", Anni interrupted her and looked her firmly in the eye. "Just treat her normally and leave her alone otherwise. She'll come when she needs help."

The resoluteness in Anni's expression convinced Nele.

"Okay.", the redhead relented, before she turned around and asked to the group: "Well, I need a tea now, would anyone else like some?"

"I'd rather have a schnapps", Tuner replied to the amusement of his friends.

"That would actually be medically reasonable.", Ayla went one better with a wink.

"Hey, I was kidding, people! Tea sounds great, Nele", Tuner defended himself.

The others concurred, and slowly the tension drained from the room. Anni looked over to Jasmin, their gazes met, and they held it for a moment that seemed to last for an eternity. Jasmin smiled, and a warm feeling flooded through Anni, as she saw that the woman who'd become so important to her seemed happy for the first time in weeks. She didn't notice Nele was watching them, at first a little suprised, but then with a knowing smile.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Ms. Flemming?"

Jasmin raised her head. In the doorway stood her therapist and smiled at her. She had grown older, the hair was a little grayer, the wrinkles a little bit deeper, but Jasmin felt herself relax a little at the sight of her friendly face. Restless, she had been sitting here for the last 10 minutes in the waiting room, and more than once she had toyed with the idea of leaving. Fleeing from what would be let out in the open in these rooms and thus would become real.

"Come in, please."

Jasmin stood up. Mrs. Jellinghaus watched the young woman as she was heading to her office. She well remembered the young girl she had met a few years ago. Full of fear she had been back then. Fear that no one would believe her; fear that they would blame her for the abuse by her adoptive father; fear of the encounter with the man who had destroyed a part of her youth irrevocably . But she also remembered the impulsiveness and the courage with which Jasmin Nowak had faced down this man so decidedly that day in the courtroom, as the fate of her mother, whom she had found only a few months ago, was decided. She had changed, had become an adult, and yet the therapist could see the hesitation with which the young woman moved. The fear had returned.

The therapist closed the door behind her and pointed to one of the two chairs that faced her desk:

"Please sit down."

The young woman walked over to one of the chairs and sat down. Mrs. Jellinghaus took her seat behind her desk. Trying to lighten the atmosphere, she leaned back and looked at her patient. She had noticed that Ms. Flemming sat on the edge of the chair and could not keep her hands from fidgeting nervously. She cleared her throat, and the young woman across from her looked up, startled. The therapist smiled gently and opened the conversation, softly but firmly: "Ms. Flemming, you have come a day earlier than planned. Can you tell me why?"

Jasmin was prepared for this question and replied with a slightly trembling voice: "Last night I almost had a panic attack, and I'm having nightmares that won't go away."

Mrs. Jellinghaus nodded. She could hear that the young woman had practiced this answer many times before in her head. "It's good that you came."

A shy smile crossed Jasmin's face before she turned serious again. She was afraid of the questions that would follow. Unconsciously, she clutched the fingernails of her left hand in her arm, not noticing that only the sleeves of her blouse prevented them from leaving bloody traces. With a twinge of concern her therapist observed the cramped movements. She knew that Jasmin used to be inclined to self-injury, and the fact that she wasn't aware of these impulses in the current situation, told the experienced therapist that something drastically must have happened. "How long have you been having nightmares, Ms. Flemming?"

"Ten days," came the answer like a shot.

"And what happened ten days ago?" Mrs. Jellinghaus asked in a soft voice.

Silence.

Jasmin's hands had stopped their movements. As if paralyzed, she sat on the chair, feeling like she would never be able to move again. She couldn't. She couldn't say it out loud, not to a stranger.

"Jasmin?" her therapist's soft voice reached her ear, and she looked up. "Is it okay if I call you Jasmin?"

Slightly confused by the question, Jasmin just nodded her head. "Yeah, sure, that's okay."

Mrs. Jellinghaus smiled, glad she had given her patient a bit of sense of control back with this little trick. "Good."

For a moment, the room was silent, and Jasmin leaned back a bit in her chair. She let the soothing atmosphere of the room sink in and felt herself relax a little bit. Finally, she looked back at Mrs. Jellinghaus, who had observed her for a few minutes. Again, she became nervous and brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear that had fallen into her face. "I'm sorry, it's not easy to talk about it."

Her therapist shook her head and replied calmly. "There is nothing you need to apologize for. You'll talk about these things when you're ready."

"Yes, but I don't want to waste your time. After all, I asked for this conversation."

"Jasmin," Mrs. Jellinghaus stood up and walked around the table. She leaned against the edge of her desk and crossed her arms over her chest. "You are not wasting my time, you know that." Jasmin looked at her for a moment and finally nodded. Then she got up and went to the window, her back turned to the room. Mrs. Jellinghaus stayed where she was. Finally, she heard the toneless words:

"Ten days ago, two men sexually harassed me. They held my mouth shut, so I couldn't scream. Then they clutched me, and I could hardly move to defend myself. One of them ripped my top and was fumbling at my pants. Suddenly, Dominik was there, and all at once they were gone. "

On the last sentence, a tremor ran through Jasmin's voice, and she had to gulp down the tears that had risen in her throat. Whispering, she continued: "But they're not gone. Every night they come back, and every night I hear the tearing of the fabric, feel the welts on the hand covering my mouth, and I can feel their hot breath on my skin."

She turned back around to Mrs. Jellinghaus, and now the tears were streaming down her face.

"Do you understand? I can't do it again. It's like this whole nightmare is starting all over again, and I can't take it."

Mrs. Jellinghaus walked over to her and took her trembling hands. Jasmin avoided her gaze, trying to regain control. After a few minutes, she ventured a look into her therapist's face and saw an encouraging smile.

"Jasmin," Mrs. Jellinghaus said in a firm voice, "you are here. That alone is the first step, and I know you'll make it. Because you are willing to get help. Because you won't let these men destroy your life, just like you didn't let your adoptive father destroy it."

Doubtfully, Jasmin looked at the older woman and saw only confidence and trust in her eyes. With a slight laugh, she shook her head. She did not know where Mrs. Jellinghaus took this confidence from. She felt so helpless and small, as she had not felt since Dieter Nowak had tried to rape her in her shop. And the worst thing was the nagging feeling in her that she surely could blame it on herself, to a certain extent . But this was something she could not talk about, not yet, maybe never.

Mrs. Jellinghaus saw the conflicting emotions in the eyes of her patient, and she could tell there was something else burdening her. But then it was as if the young woman locked in this part of her feelings away, and she understood that the time was not yet ready for it. She let go of Jasmin's hands and sat back down at her desk. Jasmin wiped the tears from her face and followed her. She took took her seat on the opposite side of the desk. Relief ran through her, but she also felt a little bit empty and exhausted. The therapist noticed the tiredness in the young woman's eyes and decided to end the session. It was enough for today.

"I have one more question, to conclude our first conversation. You also had nightmares back when you came to me because of your adoptive father, right?"  
Jasmin nodded.

"Can you remember when they stopped?"

Almost automatically came the reply. "When I confronted him with it in the letter I wrote him. The moment I told him that I never wanted it, and that he was the one who forced himself on me."

Mrs. Jellinghaus gave her a smile. "Make yourself aware of this feeling over and over again, Jasmin. The feeling of having spoken the truth."

Astonishment spread through Jasmin. It was as if she could finally see clearly, and suddenly she knew what she had to do. Shaking her head, she wondered why she hadn't been aware of it before. Jasmin looked up and saw that her therapist had stood up and was reaching out her hand. She took it and shook it lightly.

"Goodbye, Jasmin, I'll see you next week."

"Thank you, Mrs. Jellinghaus."

Jasmin left the office and Mrs. Jellinghaus looked after her for a moment. She knew her patient had a long way in front of her. It was hard to cope with psychological wounds like these. Especially if they repeated themselves, as in Jasmin's case. Mrs. Jellinghaus returned to her desk and began to take notes about what she had heard in the last half hour. One little detail struck her. Jasmin had mentioned a panic attack - rather, she had said that she _almost_ had a panic attack. So what had prevented it?

* * *

Quietly, Jasmin crept into the apartment. The door had been locked, which meant that Anni, Nele and Ayla weren't home. Jasmin was glad to be alone. The therapy session had taken more out of her than she wanted to admit to herself, and she knew it wasn't over yet. On her way home Jasmin had already wanted to talk to Dominik about the therapy session, but she had left her cell phone at the apartment so she wouldn't be disturbed during her appointment with Mrs. Jellinghaus. Jasmin didn't even take off her jacket, but immediately went to her room and grabbed her phone. She searched for Dominik in the contacts and listened to the call sign:

_"Hello Jasmin, what's up?"_ Dominik said on the other end of the line. She could hear mumbling and music in the background, from which Jasmin concluded he was working at the Vereinsheim.

"I need to see you, do you have an hour or two?"

Concerned, Dominik furrowed his brow at the nervous tone in her voice. _"Is everything okay with you?"_

"Yes, don't worry," Jasmin tried to calm him down. "I just need to talk to you. So can you get away from the Vereinsheim?"

Dominik turned around briefly and watched Tuner and Anni as they served the guests. He scratched his head.

_"Well, actually I have the late shift and Anni finishes in half an hour. But I could ask her if she can take over for a while longer."_

"Please, Dominik, can you ask her? It's really important!"

Her pleading only increased Dominik's concern even more, and so he didn't hesitate to answer: _"Wait, I'll ask her, and I'll call you right back, okay.?"_

"Okay. Till then. Bye."

Jasmin hang up and sat down on her bed. She closed her eyes and felt a leaden weariness come over her. She wanted to close her eyes and never open them again.

* * *

At the Vereinsheim, Dominik put his phone in his pocket and walked over to the bar. He leaned across the counter and briefly tugged at Anni's arm as she was preparing a cherry-banana drink.

"Anni?" She looked up. "Say, can you stay for an extra hour or two?"

"No. Look, I have to study, I have a really tough exam coming up in two days," she shook her head.

"Oh shit, damn." Dominik lightly hit the counter with the flat of his hand. "Why does Katta have to be sick now of all times?"

Tuner walked up and asked, "What's wrong, Domi?"

"Jasmin just called. She said she really needed to talk to me, and she asked if I could come over for a few hours."

Anni looked up at the mention of Jasmin's name. Dominik's worried expression alerted her. "Is everything okay with her?"

Dominik looked at her. He shrugged his shoulders and replied: "She says yes, but honestly, I'm not so sure. She sounded pretty beat."

Tuner took the cherry-banana drink from Anni and, in passing, said to his best buddy: "As far as I'm concerned, you can take off, I can manage by myself for the evening."

"Thank you, Tuner," Dominik lightly patted his friend on the shoulder, "I owe you one."

He turned to Anni, who looked at him searchingly. "You know that she had her first appointment with her therapist today?" she asked him quietly, so no one else would hear.

"What?" Dominik was surprised, "Today already? I mean," he paused briefly, "I knew she was thinking about it, but this soon?"

Anni nodded, but didn't mention that the nightmare of the previous night had probably been the trigger for Jasmin's decision. But now Dominik realized why Jasmin had sounded so drained on the phone. He could well remember how much the therapy sessions had always taken out of her a few years before. Dominik went up to the apartment to get changed. While still on the stairs, he pulled the phone out of his pocket and called back Jasmin.

Anni looked after him and felt a twinge inside. How much she would have loved to be in Dominik's place! But then she shook her head. It was totally silly to be jealous in this situation. She looked around the café - it was pretty crowded. Tuner wouldn't be able to handle this by himself.

"Hey, boss," she called over to him, "I'll stay a little longer, if that's okay."

Tuner returned to the bar. "I thought you had to study?" Anni shrugged. "I'll just pull a night shift."

"Okey-doke, kiddo. You can take the day off tomorrow then."

"Well, it's a deal," Anni grinned and set out to get the next cup of coffee ready.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Gently, Katrin closed the bedroom door not quite shut, not without casting another glance at her sleeping daughter first, who looked almost lost to her in her twin bed. The room was wrapped in the dim light of one of the bedside lamps. Katrin knew from the past how complete darkness could scare Jasmin sometimes. Then she turned back to the living room where Jo was standing by the window, silently staring into the night. Dominik had left half an hour before, when Jasmin had decided to spend the night at her mother's. He had to get back to the Vereinsheim.

"She's asleep now," Katrin said softly, and Jo turned around to her. He could see the exhaustion and concern in her face, and that worried him more than he cared to admit. Katrin really didn't need any more stress in addition to the trouble with _Metropolitan Trends_. Not if she didn't want to risk another collapse. But Jo also knew that what had happened to Jasmin would haunt Katrin.

"It's good that she's going to the police with Dominik tomorrow." Jo's voice was firm and clear, as always when he took a rational approach to something. Katrin put her finger to her lips and gestured for him to lower his voice. Then she gave a bitter laugh. "As if they had a chance of catching those pigs now, over a week later." Katrin's hands were shaking with suppressed anger. Jo walked over to her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Katrin," his voice sounded a little softer now, "of course it would have been better if Jasmin had turned to the police immediately. And of course it's not very likely that they will track these men down now, but every clue helps. Who knows if Jasmin was their first victim. There's nothing we can do to change the situation now, anyway."

"How can you stay so calm, Jo?" Katrin's voice almost cracked, even though she tried to whisper, "Jasmin is lying in there and looks like she hasn't slept in days. I've considered giving her one of my sleeping pills so she'll get some rest at all."She was gesturing almost wildly with her hands, and the quiver in her voice grew stronger as she tried to keep the volume under control so she wouldn't wake her daughter.

Jo gave her a sharp look.

"Katrin, you can't do that, do you hear me?" Katrin looked at him blankly, and softly Jo began to reason with her, "Do you have any idea what side effects these drugs have? Your daughter wouldn't be able to think clearly anymore!"Jo took Katrin by her shoulders and shook her gently. "If Jasmin is not clear-headed tomorrow morning, she can forget about her statement to the police."

Katrin was pale. She hadn't considered this. Jo shook her head sympathetically. He had almost forgotten how impulsive Katrin could be when it came to her daughters.

"Don't do anything rash, okay?" Katrin nodded. "And tell her to come see me again before she makes her statement to the police. If she wants, I will accompany her too."

"Thank you, Jo." Katrin replied barely audible.

"All right," he replied. He could see how much effort it took his ex-wife to stay calm and not to drive herself crazy with worry. Jo looked after her as she went to the refrigerator and poured herself a glass of water. Then she took another glass from the cupboard, poured a drink of cognac and handed it to him. He almost had to smile a little. She knew him so well. Jo took the glass and sat down on the couch. He watched Katrin, as she walked to the window and looked out into the darkness. Then he heard her say softly:

"I don't want the press to hear about it, Jo."

He shrugged. "If somebody with the police department talks, or they catch those men and it comes to a trial, we can't prevent it."

Katrin turned around. Ice-cold determination was in her gaze. Jo swallowed.

"I don't care. The press will not use my daughter! Not this time." She glared at him defiantly. "I don't care who you have to bribe or threaten! You'll see to it that the matter does not get out to the public!"

"Katrin, how am I supposed to do that? I _can't_ forbid the press to report facts. Not if they are true."

"The facts!", Katrin's voice was filled with undisguised contempt. "As if even one of these hacks cared about the facts! You know as well as I do that they will drag Jasmin through the mud after everything that's happened."

"Unfortunately, your daughter takes some of the blame for that," Jo admonished her, "after all, her current image doesn't come out of nowhere."

Exasperated, Katrin raised her hands. "For God's sake! Do you think I don't know that?" She turned back around and watched the lights of the city. "How many times have I warned her, how many times have I tried to tell her that she's headed for disaster? But no, she had to get her way, regardless of the consequences." The frustration in her voice was unmistakable.

Jo gave a little smile and replied with a hint of sarcasm in his voice, "Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, don't you think?"

Indignant, Katrin turned to her ex-husband. "Excuse me, I was never as naive as Jasmin."

Jo shook his head. "No, not naive. But stubborn and headstrong? Believe me, Katrin, I can tell you a thing or two about it."

"Maybe you're right", Katrin relented and thoughtfully looked at her bedroom door, "Maybe we're more alike than I thought."

Jo finished his glass and got up. Katrin walked him to the door to see him off. But when Jo leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek, she took a step back to prevent it. She was grateful to him for his support, but she was not prepared for any further intimacies. At first, Jo was confused, but soon confusion gave way to actual disappointment, since he had been under the impression that his support over the last few weeks had prompted his ex-wife to reconsider the separation. Also for Johanna's sake.

Jo tried not to show how disappointed he was that once again Katrin kept him at a distance and said goodbye to her, not without reminding her again to send Jasmin over to him.

Then the door snapped shut, and Katrin was alone.

For a brief moment she leaned against the wall by the door and closed her eyes. The silence of the room lay down on her like a heavy blanket, and for a moment Katrin felt like she couldn't breathe. It was just too much. She was exhausted and tired. She had returned from India only two days before, and she knew the completed settlement with the Indians would not be able to save _Metropolitan Trends_. The fact that she still wasn't one step closer to being able to read and write again, despite her therapy, did not help either. And now Jasmin ...

* * *

When her daughter had stood at her door two hours ago, with Dominik and Jo in tow, she had suspected right away that this wasn't just an ordinary visit to check on how she was doing. For a moment, Katrin had been tempted to send the three of them away, because she really didn't have any desire and energy for the latest family drama. It was funny, despite the divorce from Jo, she still thought of all of them as her family. But on account of Johanna, it would probably always stay this way.

Even as Jasmin, Dominik and Jo had been standing in the doorway, Katrin had already noticed how pale and insecure Jasmin looked. When her direct question about what was going on, made Jasmin wince and give her mother a distressed look, it took Katrin back to the days when they had all lived together in the town house. At the time, Katrin had only just started really getting to know Jasmin, and had to learn about the terrible things that had happened to her daughter in her childhood . The days and months that followed were forever ingrained in Katrin's memory.

When Jasmin had finally warned her in a shaky voice, that there was a possibility that she would be persecuted by the press again over the next few weeks, Katrin's first reaction was an exasperated eye roll and the question: "What have you done this time?". Jasmin, however, had only looked down in shame and stayed silent. Only Jo told her that Jasmin would go the police the following morning and file charges of sexual harassment against unknown. Incredulous and speechless, Katrin had been staring at Jo, while Jasmin had fled to the bathroom. After a few minutes the shock had eased a bit, and furiously Katrin had asked Dominik: "Where was Kurt when this happened?"

Dominik had spoken so softly that even Jo, standing next to him, could barely hear him. "Kurt is away in LA. He broke up with Jasmin."

"When?"

"About two weeks ago."

And then Dominik had reported in short sentences what had happened over the two weeks Katrin had been in India. Katrin couldn't believe Jasmin had actually put this unspeakable sextape online herself, but all her anger vanished as Dominik told her about the sexual assault, and how closely Jasmin had escaped another rape. The same helplessness came over her as a few years earlier, when she had saved Jasmin from Nowak. Why did this have to happen again? How was her daughter supposed to deal with it? She was terribly afraid that all the progress Jasmin had made in recent years had been destroyed at one stroke by this one incident.

Katrin had then gone into the bathroom to check on her daughter. Jasmin had been perched on the floor behind the door, knees drawn up to her body, her cheeks wet with tears. Silently Katrin had taken her into her arms and had tried to comfort her, but instead of calming down, Jasmin had sobbed even louder. It was as if all the pain and the fear that had been building up inside her over the last ten days, broke out of her. Katrin was in tears herself. Anger about the fact that Jasmin had dismissed all her warnings, but also the pain that she hadn't been there when her daughter needed her most. Again.

After a while, Jasmin had been so exhausted that her sobs grew quieter. Finally, she had leaned against the wall weakly and had looked at her mother.

"I'm sorry," Jasmin had whispered.

"Shhh," Katrin had gently wiped the tears from her face. "There's nothing you have to feel sorry for."

"But," her daughter disagreed vehemently, "if I hadn't put this damn video online ..."

Katrin had gently stroked her daughter's head to calm her down and silence her, just like back when Jasmin had blamed herself for the abuse. Again, Jasmin blamed herself for something she ultimately wasn't responsible for. And this had made Katrin incredibly angry as well.

"It doesn't matter what you did. It doesn't give anyone the right to touch you against your will," she had muttered, enraged.

Jasmin had nodded and had let her head fall onto Katrin's shoulder. Slowly Katrin had stroked her head and had felt her daughter relax a little. "Why didn't you call me?" She asked softly.

Jasmin had raised her head and shrugged uncertainly. "I didn't mean to burden you after your stroke, and also because of _MT_," she had replied just as softly and then had looked to the side before adding hesitantly, "Besides, I was ashamed. Nobody but Dominik knew about it."

"Jasmin, I am your mother." Katrin had replied with a faint hint of reproach in her voice.

Jasmin had leaned back against the wall, resting her head in her hands. "I know, okay? But I just couldn't." Desperately she had looked at Katrin, new tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry."

Seeing the resignation and exhaustion Jasmin radiated, had almost broken Katrin's heart. It had been only too obvious that Jasmin hadn't gotten much sleep over the past few weeks. Gladly, Katrin would have done more for her daughter than just comforting her. But how could she help her, and with what? Too often in the past had they clashed with each other when she had tried to give Jasmin advice.

"Can I stay here tonight?"

Jasmin's whispered question had jolted Katrin out of her thoughts. "Of course you can sleep here." She had agreed immediately. Relieved, Jasmin had closed her eyes . "Thank you."

With a gentle smile on her lips, Katrin had looked at her, happy that Jasmin sought to be close to her instead of retreating, as she had feared. "Come on, I'll help you up. Time for you to go to bed."

Looking at the clock, a small, but amused smile had flashed over Jasmin's face, for it was only 9:30 p.m. "God, I don't even remember the last time I went to to bed before midnight," she grinned.

"It would be really nice if you would mind your mother just for once!" Katrin had retorted with pretended severity.

"Okay, okay, okay - Mom", Jasmin had resigned herself to her fate, raising her hands. Katrin had been a little surprised at being called 'Mom', it sounded so unfamiliar coming from Jasmin's mouth, and Jasmin had registered this special moment and had become a little embarrassed. Finally, Jasmin had clasped her mother's offered hand, letting her help to get up.

On the way out of the bathroom, the muted voices of Jo and Dominik had reached their ears. Apparently they had been discussing the statement Jasmin was to give to the police the next day. Jasmin had given her obviously worried friend a hug and had assured him she was fine. She would spend the night with her mother.

Dominik had shot a glance at Katrin, and she had nodded at him with the silent promise to take good care of Jasmin. Reassured, and promising to pick up Jasmin, Dominik had bid everybody goodbye and had left Katrin's apartment.

* * *

Now, an hour later, and Dominik's parting still on her mind, Katrin was startled by a soft whimper coming from the next room Jasmin had retreated to. Katrin immediately went to check on Jasmin, and found her daughter tossing and turning in her bed, tormented by nightmares. This sight made Katrin's heart heavy and once more she felt taken back to the time when she had learned about the abuse and Nowak had almost raped Jasmin again. At the time, Katrin had felt just as helpless as she did now. And just as back then, she couldn't do more than to lie down on the bed next to Jasmin and protectively take her whimpering daughter into her arms. Softly she began to sing:

_Clouds drift across the heaven's tent_  
_Across the country and the sea_  
_Far off into a distant world_  
_The parting is not hard_

_They wave at you one last time_  
_And sway in the wind_  
_You stay here in my arms_  
_My dearest child._

Only after she had finished the verse, Katrin noticed that Jasmin had opened her eyes and was looking at her with an indefinable expression in her eyes.

"You haven't sung this to me since I was two years old."

Tears welled up in Katrin's eyes. Awkwardly, Jasmin took her mother in her arms.

"I'm so sorry, Jasmin," she heard her mother whisper. Tentatively, Jasmin stroked Katrin's back "It's okay, Katrin, it's okay." She could feel Katrin's sobs grow stronger and tried to calm her down. As the tears slowly subsided, Katrin left Jasmin's arms and sadly looked at her daughter.

Both seemed to be caught in the past at that moment. And even though she and Jasmin had already discussed the situation around Katrin's departure from her family and Jasmin's adoption, Katrin knew that it still gnawed at Jasmin that she had been left behind at the time. The guilt Katrin felt over this had decreased over the years, but it had never quite disappeared.

"You don't know how often I thought of you when I sang Johanna this song. The song, the music box - I couldn't let it go, even though I tried so hard to forget my past."

"You _did_ forget me." Jasmin interjected softly, but Katrin shook her head vehemently.

"No. Never! I just thought you'd be better off living somewhere else. Better than with my drunken mother, or with me. If I had known ..." Katrin broke off and looked away. They had been over all this before, and it was the past.

Katrin vowed to herself that this time she would be there for her daughter, come what may. Suddenly she felt Jasmin's warm hand on her cheek and looked up. Jasmin smiled. Sadness and gentleness mingled in this smile, and Katrin realized Jasmin was at peace with this part of her past. "It's okay, Katrin, really. It's over," Jasmin whispered and lightly kissed her mother on her forehead. Together they finally fell asleep.

* * *

Tired and frustrated, Jasmin had trouble unlocking the door to the apartment the next day around noon. The morning at the police station had gone exactly as Jo had predicted. They had kept asking her over and over why she hadn't immediately contacted the police, and in the end Jasmin felt nothing but anger about the kind interrogation which suggested she was the culprit of the attack, not the victim. She and Dominik had spent another two hours clicking through images of men known to the police, who had a history of sexual violence - without success. When one of the officials made a stupid remark directed at Jasmin, letting on that he had seen the sex tape on the internet, Jasmin had to hold back Dominik, lest he come at the policeman.

Finally she got the key in the lock and opened the door. Jasmin's only wish now was to retreat to her room and to be left alone. Irritated, she was about to toss her keys and her bag onto the table, but something, no, someone stopped her. Anni sat at the table in front of a pile of books, some open, others still closed, one of them serving her as a pillow. Suddenly all the anger fell off Jasmin. Without actually noticing, she smiled, then she crouched next to Anni and watched her for a while. She looked at her friend's long dark lashes, the smooth skin and full lips. 'She is beautiful,' the thought went through Jasmin, and unconsciously she held out her hand to brush a strand of hair from Anni's forehead. The slight touch was enough to wake Anni. Blinking, she opened her eyes. For a moment their eyes met, before Jasmin greeted her with a soft "Hi".

"Hi," Anni cleared her throat.

Jasmin grinned at her mischievously. "Why don't you go to bed if you're tired?"

Anni stretched. "I pulled a night shift. I have an exam tomorrow. But I guess getting a few hours of sleep in my bed would be a good idea after all."

"Then I'll let you get some sleep ..." Jasmin was about to go to her room, when Anni softly called her back. Interested, she turned to her friend.

"How was it at the police?"

Jasmin looked down, unsure whether it was right to burden Anni with her problems yet again. But she knew her friend wouldn't let up, so Jasmin turned back to look at her. She shrugged her shoulders. "They didn't give us much hope. I just should have gone there immediately. Now it's virtually impossible to catch the guys."

The self-reproach in Jasmin's words didn't escape Anni. "You had your reasons," she replied softly.

"Sure, I _always_ have my reasons, don't I?" The self-contempt with which Jasmin was punishing herself, was unmistakable now. Anni sensed that this wasn't just about the statement to the police. Spontaneously, she grasped Jasmin's hand. Jasmin let her, but her eyes seemed to challenge Anni to admit that she blamed her for her misery too. But Anni just shook her head. In this moment, nothing was further from her mind than to reproach Jasmin. She had done that enough already over the past few weeks, and it had almost led to disaster.

With every minute they stood silently in front of each other, Jasmin's anger at herself turned into genuine despair and shame, finally bringing tears to her eyes. Helpless, Jasmin looked to the side, unable to stop the tears that rolled down her cheeks. Suddenly she felt Anni's warm hand on her face, wiping away the salty drops. Their eyes met again, and once again Anni saw this profound exhaustion in Jasmin's face. She looked pale and worn out, her dark eyes sunken in, and it appeared Jasmin had lost some weight over the last couple of weeks as well, as Anni looked her over. She decided Jasmin needed rest, and real peace at that, not only the semblance of it. And so she pulled Jasmin, who followed her without resistance, into her room, where she led her to her bed, motioned her to lie down and set the alarm for three hours later. Anni positioned herself behind Jasmin and protectively put her arms around her.

"Sleep!" Anni gently told her friend, before she closed her eyes herself. It was unfamiliar, but also incredibly wonderful to feel Jasmin so close. And this wasn't about sex. Anni just wanted Jasmin to feel safe and finally get some rest. She smiled as she felt the tension slowly drain from Jasmin's body, and she was breathing quietly and evenly. The fleeting thought shot through her mind that she could get used to falling asleep like this. With Jasmin in her arms.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

It was already dusk when Jasmin woke up, and for a moment she was disoriented. The only thing Jasmin realized immediately was that she was in a strange bed, in another room, Anni's room. She closed her eyes, sighing in anticipation of the fear that had been ever-present for days, but to her surprise, no fear came over her. On the contrary, she felt like snuggling back into her pillow and going back to sleep. A giggle caught her attention, and as Jasmin opened her eyes, she saw Anni standing in the doorway, grinning.

"Hey, sleepy head, are you awake?" Anni asked cheerfully.  
Jasmin gave her roommate a little smile, no longer feeling any tension. Relaxed, she stretched first, then leaned back and looked at Anni.  
"And I thought I'd have to apply the Prince Charming method," she teased Jasmin and went over to her to sit on the edge of the bed.  
It took Jasmin a moment to understand what her roommate meant, before she blushed deeply, making Anni's grin even broader. Playfully Jasmin hit her on the arm: "You wish, huh?" But Anni just shrugged her shoulders and briefly stuck her tongue out at her. Jasmin couldn't help it, she just had to laugh. Surprisingly, Anni's light flirting didn't make her uncomfortable. It was as it had been between them so often - Anni made her laugh, and it felt good. Finally, Jasmin took Anni's hand and clasped it.  
"Thank you," she said softly. Her voice was filled with gratitude for everything Anni had done for her.  
"You're welcome," came the soft answer, and they looked into each other's eyes. But before the moment became too intense, Anni let go of Jasmin's hand, stood up and walked to the door, where she turned back to Jasmin. "I have ordered pizza, if you'd like some. It's enough for both of us."  
She watched as Jasmin leaned back against the wall and seemed to be listening into herself for a moment.  
"I'm hungry."  
The amazement in Jasmin's voice drew a satisfied smile from Anni. Already the doorbell rang, and Anni left the room to get the pizza delivery.

Jasmin stayed behind and closed her eyes again. Everything felt a bit lighter. It was as if the night in her mother's arms, and the few hours of sleep this afternoon, had recharged her energy reserves at least a little. And now she was actually hungry. She laughed softly and brushed her hair from her face.  
Curiously, she looked around. At first it seemed like all the furniture and even the decoration was black and white. Only on closer inspection, Jasmin spotted a splash of blue, hidden behind some cloth. Gently Jasmin's hands touched the material, causing it to give out wave-like vibrations .  
For a reading lamp, Anni had a simple light bulb in a socket on a long cable, held by a tape measure, which made Jasmin smile. In this room there were no frills, no unnecessary stuff that would just be in the way. The room was Anni - simple, clear, but not impersonal.  
Just when Jasmin was about to get up to look at a particular photograph on the wall, Anni stuck her head through the door and asked: "Are you coming?". Startled and a bit embarrassed of her curiosity, Jasmin looked at her, but Anni didn't seem to notice her nervousness. "Yes, yes, I'm coming." She got up and quickly squeezed past Anni to go to the bathroom, who gazed after her slightly puzzled.

Ten minutes later, Jasmin came out of the bathroom freshly showered, and disappeared briefly into her room to change into other clothes. Meanwhile, Anni had split the pizza on two plates and had cleared her books to the side so they could eat. When Jasmin came out of her room, Anni stood at the fridge and asked Jasmin if she wanted water or wine with the pizza.  
"Water, please. Alcohol is not for me at the moment," Jasmin answered, causing Anni to give her a searching look for a moment. Then she shrugged her shoulders, "Okay," and took a bottle of water from the fridge. "Could you ..." she gestured with her hand at the cabinet, where they kept the glasses.

"What did you order?" Jasmin asked, as she joined Anni at the table with two glasses in hand.  
"Um, peppers, onions and extra chili peppers."  
"Extra hot, great."  
"Not that you'd need it," Anni muttered, which earned her a look from Jasmin that was a mixture of annoyance and amusement.  
"Anni, you have to admit, that's a really lame line, even for you."  
Anni put on a guilty face. "Sorry."  
Jasmin had to laugh at Anni's crushed expression and winked at her, "I'm sure you can do better", which in turn made Anni laugh. The briefly tense atmosphere between them dissolved into hearty laughter, and both heartily turned to their pizza. At the end, Jasmin had finished her half quicker than Anni, promting her to ask Jasmin when she'd last had a proper meal.  
Jasmin shook her head: "No idea."

Anni put her slice of pizza to the side and turned serious. She looked at Jasmin, who returned her gaze queringly. Softly she said, "You've lost weight." Puzzled, Jasmin first looked at Anni and then glanced down at herself. " I hadn't even noticed." Thoughtfulness had mingled in her tone. Anni hesitated. All her thoughts and worries about Jasmin of the past few days gnawed at her, but she also saw the uncertainty in Jasmin's face, and she almost regretted touching upon the subject. She just didn't know how to best deal with the situation. Anni wanted to help her so badly, but how could she do that?

Jasmin battled with herself. Anni's comment had brought the horror of the past weeks back to the surface, and Jasmin just wanted to push it away, somewhere where the nightmare would not torment her and threaten to suffocate her anymore. Why couldn't it just stop hurting? Jasmin closed her eyes and looked to the side, before she finally grabbed Anni's hand and pleaded with a husky voice: "Anni, could we not not talk about this subject tonight? I just don't want to think about it for a couple of hours. Please?"  
Anni swallowed the lump in her throat which had formed at Jasmin's almost pleading plea. Rarely in her life had she felt this insecure. Her skepticism as to whether this was the right way, or whether it would be better if they talked about it, struggled with the need to fulfill Jasmin's every wish, as long as it made her happy. Searchingly she looked her in the eyes and could see how badly Jasmin needed this moment of peace and quiet. So she squeezed Jasmin's hand, and after clearing her throat she replied :"Sure, no problem" Gratefully, her friend looked at her.  
Anni admitted quietly: "To be honest, I have to try to get it out of my head. I have my first preparation exam for the final exams tomorrow." Jasmin glanced at the books Anni had put to the side.  
"Tomorrow?"  
Anni nodded. "Yep. Tomorrow afternoon. Which leaves me exactly ..." She looked at her clock. "... 17 hours - minus maybe five hours of sleep - to prepare myself."  
As she cleared the dishes in the sink, Jasmin decided: "Okay, I'll help you!"  
"Help? How could you help me with this?" Anni said, puzzled. "I just have to study."  
"I'll quiz you. What's the topic?"  
"Acoustics."  
"Okay, I don't know anything about that, except that it has to do with sounds." Jasmin made a dismissive gesture. "Doesn't matter. I can quiz you anyway. How do you study? Only with these books?"  
Annis felt more and more confused. She couldn't be serious, could she?  
"Anni?" Jasmin's voice jolted her from her thoughts. "How do you study? Do you have a folder or something like that?"  
"Index cards. I've been studying with index cards for years," Anni replied, still perplexed about the spontaneous offer.  
"Where are they?" Jasmin looked around.  
"Are you really serious?" Anni finally asked the question that had going through her mind.  
"Yes." Jasmin replied resolutely and grabbed the last piece of pizza from Anni's plate. "You have to be prepared for tomorrow, and I need distraction. So I'll quiz you"  
Anni smiled gratefully. "Okay, if you want to. I'll get the cards."  
"And I'll clear the table."

When Anni returned from her room with the stack of index cards, Jasmin was browsing one of the textbooks. Without looking at Anni, she remarked dryly: "Somehow this looks more like math and physics than music."  
"Yeah, it is, actually. This is the dry theory behind good sounding concerts," Anni smiled.  
"I think I prefer the practice." Jasmin laughed.  
"Me too, but unfortunately, they're not going to ask about that tomorrow." She handed Jasmin the stack of index cards and added: "They are more or less sorted. Let's start with the definitions."  
Jasmin flipped the cards through her fingers like a flipbook. "Okay, here we go. What is sound and how is it produced?"  
"Sound is the propagation of vibrations in a medium, such as air, water, or in a solid body. It is caused by a change in air pressure."  
"Very good," Jasmin praised her roommate. "What are the four categories of sound waves?"  
"The four categories are infrasonic, which is below the threshold of hearing, the sound within the audible range, above the audible range - called ultrasound - and hypersonic with frequencies above 1 Ghz."  
Jasmin read the answer on the back of the index card and nodded. "Right. Although I have no idea what makes a sound wave a sound that's audible, but the answer is correct."  
"Okay, look. When you throw a stone into the water, you can see how the waves propagate circularly around this point, right?" Anni started to explain, made sure that Jasmin was following her and continued. "Now imagine, the stone is a noise or a sound emanating from a particular point in space, because you dropped a glass, or I strike the strings of the guitar. The falling down or striking causes vibrations in the air, which propagate like the waves around the stone. "  
Jasmin watched Anni, who was now gesturing with her hands to explain everything to her.  
"Okay, go on." Jasmin finally nodded.  
"That's pretty much it. These oscillations or waves entering your ear, and that's how you perceive the noise or the sound."  
"And what is the difference between a noise and a sound?"  
"It's simple. With a sound vibrations are periodic, that is, they are regular, and with a noise they are irregular."  
"Cool." Jasmin was impressed. Now she had at least an idea of how it worked. She took the next card and had to laugh. "Well, we just covered the difference between sound and noise."  
Jasmin took the next card and began to read the question again: "What are the most important properties of sound and what causes them?"  
"They are pitch and volume. Pitch is determined by the number of vibrations per second and is called frequency. The higher the number of regular vibrations per second, the higher the pitch. Volume is determined by the sound pressure . The closer you are to the sound source and thus the starting point of the sound, the louder the sound seems to you. "  
"Yes, naturally," Jasmin said. "When I stand 100 meters away, it's always quieter than when I stand two meters from it."  
"Yep, and now you know why." Anni grinned at her.  
"Okay, next card. What determines how fast a sound wave propagates?"  
Anni thought for a moment, then snapped her fingers. "It mainly depends on the medium in which the sound moves, and also on temperature, humidity, air pressure and carbon dioxide content."  
Jasmin thought about this. "Okay, where do I hear a sound sooner - in the air or in the water?"  
"In the water, the sound waves propagate about four times as fast at the same temperature."  
"Wow! Four times as fast yes? That's amazing."  
"Yep, that's totally cool. Imagine a sound is produced at a distance of, say, twelve kilometers. In the air, if we disregard all obstacles that could slow down the sound, it takes about 36 seconds until you hear it. But in the water it takes only eight seconds for the same distance until you hear the sound. "  
"Wow, I never really thought about it. And what impact does this have when you do the sound mix for a concert. I mean, we don't perform underwater music at the Mauerwerk."  
"Well, that would definitely be a thought," Anni winked at Jasmin, laughing.

Anni then started to explain the meaning of all the theory for the practical application, that you had extra speakers in a room, so that the perception of the music did not move in space. She tried to draw a sketch it, but it soon became clear that she lacked the spatial thinking for this. Finally, Jasmin took the pen from her hand and drew it, according to Anni's explanations. The two young women had so much fun and were so engrossed that they hardly noticed when Nele came home and disappeared into her room, tired. The index cards had been put aside, and the passion with which Anni did this job was almost palpable for Jasmin. It reminded her a little bit of herself, of her dream of becoming a successful fashion designer, and she realized how much she sometimes missed the creative work.

Suddenly the doorbell rang, startling both of them. Jasmin was just about to make a new drawing for an example of a very narrow space, so Anni opened the door, laughingly calling out to Jasmin on the way: "Hey, but the stage is not in the middle of the room."  
"Why not?" Jasmin asked, as Anni opened the door to see Katrin standing there.  
"Good evening. I'd like to speak briefly with Jasmin. Can I come in?"  
Anni brushed a strand of hair from her face. "Sure, come in."  
Jasmin looked up and smiled at her mother. "Hey, Katrin."  
With an "I'll leave you alone." Anni withdrew discreetly.  
"Thank you," Jasmin nodded to her roommate.

Katrin was still standing at the door and played a bit nervously with her hands. Jasmin looked at her questioningly, and finally Katrin said, "I just wanted to know how it went with the police this morning, and if you're okay."  
Immediately a feeling of guilt came over Jasmin. She had promised her mother to let her know how her statement went at the police.  
"I'm really sorry. I was going to call you." Jasmin Katrin approached guiltily.  
"That's all right. I just wanted to know if you're all right," Katrin calmed her daughter with a tentative smile.  
Jasmin nodded. "Yes, all right. They didn't give us much hope, but that was to be expected."  
Katrin was puzzled. She had expected Jasmin to be relieved that she had put the statement to the police behind her, but not to seem almost recovered. "And that's okay with you?"  
"I can't change it, anyway," Jasmin shrugged.  
"Yes, that's true," Katrin agreed, but then she noticed the books, notes and Jasmin's drawing which were scattered over the table.  
"What are you doing here?" she asked in surprise.  
Jasmin brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and said, "Um, I'm helping Anni with her studies. She has an important exam tomorrow."  
"Anni? The young woman who opened the door for me? And isn't she the sound engineer from the Mauerwerk? I think I've seen her there before."  
"Yes, exactly. She is still in training."  
Katrin's gaze went back and forth again between the chaos and her daughter and found that Jasmin hadn't been this relaxed in a long time. Whatever the trigger for it was, it seemed to do her daughter good.  
"Seems to be fun." She noted.  
"It is," Jasmin replied.  
Silence fell between them, and finally said Katrin: "Okay, then I won't disturb you any longer."  
Mother and daughter hugged each other goodbye.  
"Thank you for coming by, and again, I'm really, sorry that I didn't let you know. I should have called," Jasmin bid her goodbye, but her mother just shook her head.  
"That's all right. As long as you're okay." She stroked Jasmin's cheek. "Have a nice rest of the evening, you two."  
"Yes, same to you," Jasmin gazed after her mother with a smile as she left the apartment.

Jasmin stood by the door for a moment, her head down. Despite Katrin's reassuring words, she felt guilty for not calling her mother. Somehow she had totally forgotten. Nele came downstairs and saw Jasmin standing by the door. The relaxed atmosphere that had filled the room when she came home was gone.  
Tentatively, Nele asked: "Hey, are you okay?  
Jasmin appeased her, pointed in the direction of her room and asked Nele to tell Anni that she was tired and had gone to her room.  
Puzzled by Jasmin's depressed mood, Nele set about to do what Jasmin had asked her to.  
"Hey, are you ready to ... Oh, it's you."  
"Sorry, I know you thought it was Jasmin," Nele was sorry to say.  
"That's okay." Anni made a dismissive gesture, and Nele related what Jasmin had told her.  
"Tired?" Anni asked incredulously, to which Nele just shrugged helplessly. "That's nonsense! She slept through the afternoon here with me."  
Nele raised both eyebrows in surprise.  
"Nothing happened, Nele. We only slept," Anni rolled her eyes.  
"Yeah, right," Nele grinned, but looked worried the next moment. "I had a feeling something was troubling her. Perhaps you should ..."  
Anni nodded absently, so Nele left and wished her a good night, but Anni barely looked up, being so deep in thought, wondering what could have happened between Jasmin and her mother to make Jasmin withdraw again now. 'Do I ask her or leave her alone?' Anni pondered, but then decided that they were past the 'leave alone without explanations' phase. It had never done them much good really, anyway. So she walked over to Jasmin's room and softly knocked on the door. No reply. She knocked again and softly said: "Jasmin I just want to know if everything's okay, and I'm not leaving here, until you've talked to me.."

Anni would not have Jasmin brooding alone in her room again. After one or two minutes of silence, Anni heard a faint "Come in" and opened the door. Jasmin was sitting in the dark on her bed and played with her cell phone. She didn't look at Anni, and so Anni just sat down next to her. When Jasmin still hadn't responded to her presence after a few minutes, Anni put her hand on Jasmin's, that was still fiddling with the phone.  
"What's wrong?" Anni asked, quiet and worried.  
"Nothing," Jasmin replied almost defiantly.

'Okay,' Anni thought, 'you're being stubborn? I can do that too.' She let go of Jasmin's hand and placed both her hands on Jasmin's face, forcing Jasmin to look at her. A mixture of anger, guilt and despair was reflected in Jasmin's brown-green eyes. Finally, Jasmin looked away.  
"Now come on, Jasmin," Anni nudged her roommate by her shoulder. "Tell me what's going on."  
Jasmin hemmed and hawed, and finally she answered so quietly Anni could barely understand her: "I forgot to call Katrin after Nik and I were at the police station."  
Anni looked at her aghast. "And ?" She had the proverbial question mark on her face.  
"Katrin was really worried, and she took such good care of me yesterday."  
Anni still do not understand why Jasmin was so tormented by this. "Yes, and? She is your mother. Of course she takes care of you, and of course she's worried."  
Jasmin shook her head. "You don't understand. Katrin and me, it's complicated. I just should have remembered to call her."

Anni sat down cross-legged on Jasmin's bed and took her hand again. "Look at me."  
Jasmin obeyed.  
"We have two options now. Either you tell me why it is so complicated ..."  
Jasmin shook her head and interrupted Anni with a shy smile, "Believe me, you don't want to hear THAT story tonight."  
"Let me guess, long and complicated?" Anni asked gently.  
Jasmin nodded, and Anni continued resolutely. "Okay, here's option two then: You listen to me carefully, and then we go back out there and you do what you asked me for- simply push away all that shit tonight. You said you'd help me study, and I'll take you at your word now. "  
Jasmin laughed and closed her eyes. "Okay, Master Yoda - enlighten me with your wisdom."  
Anni was silent for a moment and finally interlaced her fingers with Jasmin's, who opened her eyes again a little startled, but let it happen. Then Anni looked into her eyes and said softly: "What do you think your Mom prefers? That you call her because you're feeling crappy, or that you forget to call, because you're all right?"  
Jasmin's mouth fell open. She had never looked at it that way. She loosened her fingers from Anni 's and hugged her spontaneously. "Thanks," she whispered.  
"You're welcome," Anni replied softly. They didn't break the hug for several minutes. Even though she knew she shouldn't, because they wanted different things from each other, Anni savored being close to her roommate, while Jasmin felt more comfortable and safe than she had felt in a long time. It just felt right and good in Anni's arms. When they finally broke apart, Anni brushed a strand of hair from Jasmin's face and placed her hand on her cheek. Jasmin gulped. "Okay?" Anni asked, and Jasmin nodded. Anni got up and held out her hand. Together they went back outside to continue where they had left off before Katrin's visit.


End file.
